Efficiency

I can remember the very line of thought that started my internal revolution. There are things I like - playing video games, hanging out with friends, reading books. And there are things I don't like - getting groceries, cleaning the car, going to the DMV. One day, the not-all-that-profound thought hit me like a freight train - if I spend less time doing the things I don't like, I'll have more time to spend doing the things I do like!
But here's the catch - most of the items on my list of unlikables are rather difficult to avoid (well, at least without first loosening the sometimes nearly suffocating grip of social norms). I was a bit disheartened at first, but then I continued to think... If I can't do less of them to save time, perhaps I can do them faster and achieve the same result! The heavens had opened, a new god had descended, and I would worship him!! His name: 

Efficiency.

Like most idols, efficiency is a good thing given the right context. For example, at work I'm paid to produce results. Using programming skills to automate redundant tasks, keyboard shortcuts to cut down on paperwork time, and organizing my work into a smoothly flowing order all allow me to do more of what I'm expected in the same amount of time. I don't have to give more time-wise and my company still gets more - everyone's happy. But does reaching an all-out sprint when going to the copier or frequently avoiding casual conversations really gain me - or my company - anything other than a bigger barrier between me and my coworkers? Efficiency - a good thing, but a terrible god.

It was (and in many cases still is) an adulterous affair. Let's look at a fairly common example - grocery shopping. Rule #1 - always have a list. Not because I'll spend less by avoiding craving-driven purchases, but because that way I can plan my optimum route through the aisles before ever stepping foot in the door. If there's an exceptionally slow person blocking something on my list, I skip it. Was I supposed to pick it up for someone else? I 'forgot' it. I've failed at the self checkout if even one single time the laser is ready to scan the barcode before I have the next item ready and waiting. If I'm the limiting time factor at any point, it taints the whole trip. Walk-in to walk-out, I'm faster than everyone else I know. Seriously. Everyone. (Think you're faster? We should race. I'd love to crush you. And if I don't, then I need to learn your ways!)

There's more, lots more. Buckle your seatbelt only after the car is in motion. NEVER check luggage. Always have a plan before you get there - formulate it while walking, while driving, while standing at the urinal - do whatever multi-tasking it takes to prevent wasting time on planning alone. Eat on the go or not at all, and always get the same thing at each place so you don't waste time trying to decide (unless you're stuck in line, in which case, seriously consider if it'd be faster to hit up the place across the street instead). Only call people out of the blue if you're driving exceptionally long distances. Basically, it all boils down to avoiding any and all people and activities that don't value your time the same way you do..

My first wake-up call came shortly before proposing. I wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing - that I had weighed the costs. I realized then that my biggest sacrifice wasn't going to be a lack of freedom, putting up with curling irons and glittery makeup, or even giving up the remote control. No, the thing I would mourn the most is a drop in efficiency. I would now have to share each and every decision with another person. I'm only able to speak at about 5% of the speed at which I'm able to think - that makes for an astounding difference! And two people means more bathroom breaks, food breaks, getting tired at different times... I decided that it wouldn't be fair to claim as a non-negotiable that a spouse would have to match my entire physiological schedule before I'd pop the question (but only after much deliberation).

Of course getting married was a no-brainer. But I was still shocked to see where my priorities were - I have been continuously valuing my own productivity more than the people in my life. Family and friends, marriage, even in the workplace, output per hour on the clock shouldn't always win out over relationships.

In recent months, I've been troubled more and more in this area. As I read through the gospels, I see Jesus again and again turning away from efficiency, from being mechanical and methodical, rather instead living moment by moment, dependent on God rather than His own plans, welcoming with open arms the 'interruptions' that resulted in miracles and softened hearts. I get this foreboding sense that I'm missing out on something... The sense that I'd be greatly missing out even if I applied my Jedi Master powers of efficiency to Kingdom work. That perhaps God does not much care at all for what I value so highly. That maybe - just maybe - God does not measure the quantity of my work during this short stay on earth, but rather my obedience to Him...